I need a favor.

We interrupt today's scheduled post on the magic wonderland that is Valley Fabrics to bring to you a request for a little bit of the BKM (Big Knitting Mojo).  We don't need a full measure or anything, just maybe a moderate application.  Here's why:

See this?

This is one of the new chairs we bought over the tax free weekend here. It's one of a matched pair. You may notice that it doesn't LOOK like a brand new chair, but it is.  Or, at least it was before it fell off the back of the truck in the middle of the highway (on our way home with it last night) and tumbled across a lane or so of I-93.  More on that in a minute.  Here's what I need.  I need you all to focus on SKU#CMDF210193556 while we chat because this is part of a discontinued line of furniture (hence the ginormous clearance savings), and we badly need them to have another one JUST like this one.  See the asymetrical arms?  Yeah, it's important that the short arm of the replacement chair (assuming that there is one) be on the same side.  SO, SKU# CMDF210193556.  Everyone's got their focus?  Ready to go on?    OK, so let's head down to this wacky extended entry thing I've never used before and see the rest of the story.

Oh come on....there's more pictures......but don't forget, concentrate on that SKU.

It all started innocently enough.  Here the sock and the boy are waiting patiently for the nice men at mega-furniture-store (no, not THAT one, the one with the IMAX and the amusement park rides) to bring us the furniture that we are so.excited.to.get. Please note rented ZipCar pickup truck.  All hail the brilliance that is ZipCar.

So we're waiting and watching as they wrap everything up in plastic and load the chairs on the truck and then they tell us they're through with the chairs and I go get my car, put it where the truck had been parked and then shove this into the back of it.

Sorry, the color isn't quite right, but it's the best I could do this AM.  And yes, there was a fair bit of rope and engineering involved in getting this to stay in the back of the Subaru.  Kind of fun to watch to be honest.

So then we take off for home, and just after we rejoin I-93 from US24, the wind literally picks one of the chairs up out of the truck bed and tosses it casually into the middle of the highway RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.  I'm watching all of this and as I'm STANDING on my brakes (and bracing for impact as I'm listening to the tractor trailer truck RIGHT behind me desperately doing the same), I'm thinking to myself:  I can't BELIEVE they didn't tie those fucking chairs down!  Then I think a whole bunch of other stuff that's not fit to print, and then I panic a little, because the screeching big rig brakes?  Loud.  Not to mention very, very close, and seemingly going on forEVER.

Then it was over. 

It was over and we were all OK and no one was hurt and the cartwheeling chair didn't hit anyone and I stopped in time and the tractor trailer stopped in time (with only about two inches to spare, I might add) and no one went tumbling down an embankment trying to avoid the chair, nothing. No, it was fine.  I was fine.  Everyone was fine.  No one was hurt.  Not a scratch on anyone's car.  It was a bloody miracle. (If I haven't mentioned this to y'all before, I have a DAMNED fine guardian angel, whose patience and diligence I have sorely tested over the years, but who has always there for me when the chips are down - like, say, last night for instance. Everyone hug their guardian angel today, m'kay?)  So then, THEN the nice truck driver patiently sat and blocked the lane for me so that I could pull over and then get the living room furniture off the highway and then he/she quite casually drove off as if nothing had happened. 

Me? I spent a second or two trying to decide if it would help to throw up.  In the end I decided it wouldn't, so I called Rick (who was halfway home already, having had no idea anything was amiss) to let him know that one of the chairs had successfully committed suicide and asked if he could maybe come on back and pick up its remains.  And then, because I had no tequila to drink to calm my  nerves, I did the next best thing. I took pictures.

Given the possible consequences of mega-furniture-store's gross negligence, and our own idiocy in not checking to make sure that stuff was secured in the truck, I'd say we got off pretty damned easy.

But I still want this chair.  Well, not THIS chair, but a replacement.

Comments

[Angela]

That EXACT thing happened to my husband, but with our brand new $3000 gas stove! It was a bad, bad day.

[maryse]

holy fucking crap!!!! i'm so happy to hear that you're ok! you were so excited about that chair too. fucking chair! fucking JORDAN'S DORK FACE WAREHOUSE EMPLOYEE NUMBNUTS WHO DIDN'T TIE DOWN THE FUCKING CHAIR!!!

sure maybe you should have inquired, but shit, it's their fucking job!!! they get paid to do know this stuff.

by the way, the chaise. fabulous. i think you need to drink pitchers of martini's on that chaise.

[caro]

Yup, I would have debated about throwing up too. Yikes, eh? I'm putting out the good vibes that you'll find the replacement.

[maryse]

oh -- i'm sending you good chair vibes..

[melanie]

oh.mah.god. I'm so glad you're ok!!! Dear LORD. What the fuck??? I'd say you need some restitution or something above and beyong just a replacement. Maybe free delivery or somethin? Free chair??

Going to kiss your guardian angel in gratitude...

[Juno]

Oh my goodness, oh my goodness.

I'm so glad the truck did not run you over. That would have been Bad.

Love and kisses and good chair Hoodoo.

[Cheryl]

The HAVE to have another. It's gorgeous. They better be searching every single warehouse and every single store display for you.

And thank god everyone stopped in time.

[Bookish Wendy]

Dude, for some reason the sheer idiocy of this sentence, "so that I could pull over and then get the living room furniture off the highway" sent me into fits of hysterics. I am so glad you are okay. But the fact that you can write that sentence now - priceless. At least your guardian angel has a sense of humor. It would not have been nearly as entertaining if the chair had simple slipped off the back of the truck. ;)

[mamacate]

Wholly crap.

I know this is a cliche, but I'm glad no one was hurt.

But jaysus. Sending good SKU vibes your way...

[FemiKnit Mafia]

Oh.my.god.what a story. Thankfully everyone survived, but even though you lived to blog this, it was wicked scary to read. My heart is pounding, and all my mojo is focused on your SKU.

[Cara]

WOW! We've had a slew of very bad, very fatal truck accidents around these parts the last few days. SO GLAD YOU'RE OKAY.

Hopefully you can find a new chair. We could never get a new you.

[elisa]

Holy Shit.

It could have been So. Much. Worse.

I'm scared just reading this, and I KNOW that everything turned out okay. ((Well, except there's no confirmation or update from you yet telling us that another chair (concentrating on SKU as I type) is on its way to you.)

And for fuck's sake, they better deliver it to you.

[Martha]

What I want to know is, how did Rick not notice a chair winging itself into the air?

That truck driver was a saint. Imagine how shook up he must have been, too.

If it were me, I'd ask them for a new chair and free delivery, provided they can find one (SKU# CMDF210193556, SKU# CMDF210193556, SKU# CMDF210193556). If anyone had been hurt, it seems to me the furniture store would be at least partially liable for loading the furniture in and not securing it. Yes, you should have checked, but you thought your truck was loaded by professionals. Any liability attorneys out there who can weigh in on this?

[Laurie]

I'll send the good SKU vibes. But my private opinion is that the vibes ALREADY worked. Keeping you safe. And alive. And out of my OR. THANK GOD.

It is a scary thing.

[Debbie]

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kellee!! This freaks me out to no end. Thank heavens you're ok. Good lord, what a nightmare. Make them deliver that thing for free. What morons!

*does a happy dance that Kellee still walks among us*

[PumpkinMama]

Holy crap, what a nightmare! Seriously glad the only thing harmed was the chair, I will commence sending "SKU#CMDF210193556 where are you?" vibes into the furntiure gods' ether.

[Carole]

Oh, Kellee! So Scary! So glad you're okay. You're way more important than a chair. That said, I'm concentrating on the SKU for you.

[Kate]

Holy Fuck Kellee (casue I just KNOW you said the 'f' word a bagazillion times during this hole masacare!!) I am SO glad you are okay! How freakin scary!

And really... I'm with Martha on this question: How the heck did Rick not notice a chair winging its way out of the truck.

Good luck on the replacement, yes they MUST deliver it!!

[Beth S.]

I'm speechless. Thank goodness you're okay! The accident that chair could have caused... it gives me shivers just thinking about it! And you were THERE! Holy moley.

They owe you a new chair, and furthermore, they should bring it to your house and carry it up the stairs and then rearrange all the furniture in your living room as many times as it takes for you to come up with a floor plan you wholeheartedly love. Geez.

[Chris]

Whoa. I am SO glad that the accursed chair didn't join you inside your car and that you weren't smooshed by the big truck! I am focusing on the SKU. It is floating in my brain... floating... focusing...

[Kristen]

oiy - just reading this gives me shivers. I'm glad you're okay, your husband is okay, and the chair was only simply bruised by the experience. (have you found a new one yet? if not, perhaps I can scout things out here. There's not a whole lotta room in my car, but I *do* have a roof rack and know how to tie life-saving knots. (I'm in York, PA at York Hospital. My car, however, (due to an awful parking situation here - made worse (ironically) by the construction to build a new parking garage) is 10-15 minutes away in a mall parking lot. And I haven't had time to get back to it, and resuce things that are in it, and then get to a post office. BUT - I do have plans to go exploring and can put it on hold or move it up to my dorm room for the time being.

I do love an adventure.

(I'm glad you're okay - very, very, very glad that you're okay.)

[Manise]

Holy Shit indeed and on I-93?! OMG...Thank God you're okay- I think we all need to go and pay homage to that guardian angel of yours! Sending SKU vibes your way.

[Shelly]

Sorry about the chair. I'm glad everyone's okay. Love your blog!

[Jackie]

Holy crap Kellee.

Yes, your guardian angel loves you.

A Lot.

Do you bribe her with yarn or something???

(I'm really glad you're okay. That could have been really bad. Understatement, both.)

[julia fc]

Oh man. I am so glad you're okay. Mega stores pay minimum wage and get what they pay for sometimes, huh? Thank the heavens you're okay.